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17.10.16

Lets Talk About Anxiety

For as long as I can remember, I have filled diaries with the best and worst parts of my life; there's something special about keeping a record of significant times, having them to look back on in years to come. In many ways, blogging is no different. In the same way that I can open up my Groovy Chick diary from 2006, I can scroll through page after page of my online space, recounting my favourite moments from the past 2 years. I have always been a writer and blogging has solidified that for me; there's nothing that I get greater pleasure out of, than putting pen to paper (or typing on a keyboard!) and letting my thoughts run free. Writing makes me happy. Blogging has become to me, like many others, a way of expressing my feelings. Yes there is fear of judgement, but I find that when it comes to my own blog, it is one of the few parts of my life that I do not worry about being criticised. At the end of the day if people don't want to read it, then they don't have to. I like to write about frivolous things, such as beauty and food, but every now and then I write about something a little more personal, and it feels great. It can be hard to put these things into words, so having the ability to get it out in the open without having to say it out loud is like a breath of fresh of air.


As last week was Anxiety Awareness Week, with many influencers and celebrities speaking about their experiences, I felt that this would be the perfect time to share my own. 

It took me many years to come to terms with the fact that I am a sufferer of anxiety. As is the case with many mental health illnesses, people have different experiences; however to put it into simple terms, it feels as though I am having a constant battle with myself. You know the cartoon devil that sits on one shoulder, with the angel on the other? Well to me, that is what my anxiety feels like. At the most unexpected and inconvenient times I will get the feeling that something isn't as it should be, followed by the sudden urge to make things right again. It can be something small, or something great, but none the less it sets my mind racing 10 times faster than it's usual pace. For those of you who don't know, we can't control it. It creeps up on us when we least expect it, and it haunts us while we sleep.. Sleeping is often not an option, so here I am writing this post at 2am on a Sunday morning, attempting to chill.

To anybody who knew me in my early teenage years, I want to thank you for your patience and your understanding. I have always suffered with terrible nerves and what I thought to be at the time, a serious case of hypochondria; the slightest feeling of uncertainty would send me spiralling into a meltdown, requiring reassurance at every turn- I know, I wouldn't have wanted to be my friend either, it was hard. But looking back, I can see that if I had sought help at the time I would have known that it was infact anxiety, and I was not alone. When I was first old enough to take medication, I remember thinking that it was the solution to all of my woes- oh how wrong I was! As I have gotten older I have become more reluctant to take things for my illness (and sickness in general), preferring to find a natural way of dealing with things; whether it's a cup of tea, or a brisk walk along the seafront, I try to make the best out of a bad situation.

When it comes to anxiety, support from those around you really is the best thing that you can ask for. I know that it is hard to understand, and I know that not everybody will have the patience to deal with the girl that always has an 'issue' or an excuse not to come to that long overdue catch up.. but for those of you who stick around, it is noted. I can assure you that I will not forget about those early morning conversations, or unexpected phone calls at the most inconvenient of times; friends like you are the reason that I will not let my anxiety win. I have been with my partner for a little over 4 years, and he has seen me through more ups and downs than I can remember, and for that I am eternally grateful. Being with somebody who suffers from a mental illness can't be easy, but he takes it with a pinch of salt and continues to support me none the less.

I apologise for the length of this post, but it is something that I've been wanting to write about for some time. For anybody who is suffering with something similar, I urge you to share it with somebody; a friend, family member, or there are a number of online services available if you prefer something anonymous. Don't let it eat away at you- by speaking out you are winning; you are stronger than you think!

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