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One step forward, two steps back

I don't know how to start this post, let alone go about ending it.. some may say it's a bit of an overshare but HEY, they say a problem shared is a problem halved, right? So here it goes. 

Yesterday I had an episode (I say episode because I don't really know what else to call it, but I digress). Things have been going so well for what seems like such a long time now, but suddenly I found myself feeling completely and utterly alone. You may think that this is normal, everybody has times that they feel like this don't they? Yes, but a lot of people have the ability to come to terms with the fact that they are being a bit silly and just move on. Nope, I sat weeping into my pillow, blaring music at volumes that only a crazy person could withstand.. could I get any more Bridget Jones?

Rewind a few hours and I was taking blog photos, editing away in world of my own.. I was happy. But then something sparked inside of me, like a series of fireworks going off inside my head; my anxiety was consuming me and turning me into the version of myself that I hated the most. I don't know what did it, why was this happening? I called Jack, but the normal conversation suddenly turned into an argument (through nobody's fault but my own).. I just couldn't stop talking. Like word vomit, I was saying the first thing that popped into my head and all I wanted was for the conversation to be over. Understandably he suggested that I took a few minutes to breathe, to think about what was going on inside my head and to just relax

As the evening went on I ran myself a bath, switched on some fairy lights and started a new book; soon enough I felt as good as new. I apologised for my 'episode', although heavens knows where that really gets me.. there's no way of knowing when it will happen again, but I figure that the least I can do is try to make things better with a soppy message and a picture of myself sporting the dog filter- little things, eh?

Like I said, I don't know how to end this post.. the point I'm making is that even if you feel in control of your emotions, there will moments of weakness and that's okay. Yes, it can be embarrassing when a nothing gets turned into a something, but if somebody really loves you, they will accept these moments of weakness and help you to move forward. This was never meant to be an appreciation post, but hey, here's to the boyfriends that deal with 'difficult' people like myself. YOU GO!


  1. Oh I know this feeling to well. That´s the problem with anxiety it let´s you feel in control for a while before it hits you with a stone. But as you said that´s okay. It´s so okay to have an episode, a bad day or a bad week. As long as you realize it and it gets better after a while again everything will be fine! I think sometimes with how we present ourselves on social media and online in general it can seem that this is not something normal when it truly is! So I think it´s so good to share this!
    xx Lisa | Following Lisa

    1. Thanks Lisa! Sometimes it helps to share things, whether it's face-to-face or online it doesn't matter; I believe in the concept that a problem shared is a problem halved XX


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