Lockdown.

I feel like I need to write a disclaimer at the start of this blog post, because I know that I am in a very privileged position. I have a roof over my head and plenty of food to eat, but most importantly myself and my family are safe and have been physically unaffected by Coronavirus.

Today marks day 42 in lockdown. How crazy does that sound? We started isolating the day after my 24th birthday and the day before the UK announced its official lockdown. Like most people my experience so far has been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster, with more more ups and downs than I can count- or care to admit.

I'm sure I'm not alone when I say that to start off with it felt a bit like a holiday. I spent my days lazing around in my loungewear watching back to back Love is Blind (yes I was late to the party) and eating pizza at 4pm. I was technically on annual leave during the first week of lockdown to celebrate my birthday, however when week 2 came around and I wasn't getting ready to go back to work that's when I began to feel uneasy. I'm not the sort of person that can sit still for too long and the productivity itch was real... So in an attempt to feel like I was doing SOMETHING, I baked cakes, I read books, I did puzzles, I even created a spreadsheet and organised my finances, but then there was nothing left?

Somewhere between weeks 3 and 4 I spent a few days moping (stomping) around the flat, letting my brain go in to overdrive and feeling my anxiety rearing its hugely unwelcome head, until I read something that made me stop and think. I can't remember who said it, but it was along the lines of this...

Our daily routines have been turned upside down and we are living in a way that many of us have never done before, and with no end in sight it is completely normal to feel out of sync. I think myself lucky that I am in the privileged position where I do not have to go to work each day and risk my life to help those in need, however this does not mean that I am not allowed to feel affected. I am confined to the same four walls, with somebody that I love dearly but by no means am used to spending 24 hours of the day with, and I am running out of things to do and places to hide myself away for a moment to myself. BUT (and this is a big one) I have come to terms with the fact that tomorrow is a new day (albeit very similar to the last) and I do not need to be practicing a new skill or ticking things off a to-do list to be 'nailing lockdown life'. The way I see it is that if your biggest achievement is getting out of bed and putting on fresh pyjamas, then see that as a reason to celebrate! Self care has never been more important than right now.

I think what I'm finding comfort in the most is knowing that we are all doing the same thing. As much as I miss my friends and my family, I know that like me they are all sat at home willing this to be over, and making plans for the not so distant future. It's safe to say that at present I am lacking some of my usual 'oomph' but that doesn't mean that I'm not 'okay'. Hopefully we have now muddled our way through the worst of it and things will only get better from here onwards...

Do whatever you've got to do to make it through the day- nobody is in a position to be judging one another right now, and that's kind of wonderful.